Kelly and I had a banner year. We took vacations to Portland, OR and NYC. My brother lived in Raleigh for a few months. It was nice to have him around. I wish he could've stuck around, but when he moved here I kind of knew it would be temporary. We sold our investment property, a former neighborhood crack house that we remodeled. It's now home to a nice couple attending Duke Med School. We sold off a parcel of land in the country that we purchased a few years ago. The land was intended to have a beautiful modern home on it. As time passed and I began to travel more for work we found that the country didn't suit our (my) lifestyle. It was a lost dream. A dream that we still hold onto, but it will have to wait a few years.
The biggest event of the year was finding out in early September that Kelly is pregnant. We are expecting a little boy around May 6th. The pregnancy has been tough on Kelly physically, but she is so excited to be a mother. I'm almost more excited to see her with our child than I am excited about the child itself. She is going to be a great mom. She's so natural with children. Her instincts are incredible. My instincts, on the other hand, are yet to be truly tested. We'll see...
Personally, 2006 was one of the toughest years I can remember. I turned 30. I spent a lot of time reflecting on my goals and purpose. I've learned that's a really self destructive path for me. We started attending church again for the first time in 10 years. Then we spent a few months toward the end of the year away from it again. It seems like the more time I spend considering who I am and where I'm going, the harder it is live freely. I have a hard time releasing control of my life to anything beyond my reach. I chose a conservative job straight out of college, and I'm still in it. I'm good at it. I have the respect of my colleagues and senior management, but it's safe, secure, and confining. I've always shied away from risk. Ever since I was little. I was never the kid that swung from tree limbs. Instead, I considered all the possible outcomes of climbing the tree and whether the limbs would hold my weight. Then, I'd chicken out. I'll admit it. I'm a chicken when it comes to personal risk. It haunts me. I beat myself up over it. I need control.
So my new year's resolution is to lose control. I think having a kid will be good for me. I hope he teaches me a few things about letting go and living in the freedom of inexperience. I've spent my whole life in a logical progression of well controlled steps. I've never stepped out on a limb in faith. I've always held on tight to the trunk. I hope fatherhood teaches me that the tree trunk is overrated and freedom is letting go.
